He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Sorry my hands just texted you
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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