So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
