I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
