Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
