In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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