what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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