Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
