i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
