I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
