you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
