i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
