I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I think my nap took me to another dimension
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
