My friends, they love my intelligence
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
she smelled like a LAN party
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Randomize
