can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize