Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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