Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
