A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
