Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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