The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
