I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
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