Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
