Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize