I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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