found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
