I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
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