So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
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