She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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