that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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