Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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