I faked an abortion last night.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
