just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
