so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
