i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
