I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
