you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
