I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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