TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
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