I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
