Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
