I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize