I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
