Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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