Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I need to calm my uterus...
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
