bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
