I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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