At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
