everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
i would one night stand the shit outta him
they're like a gay fantastic four
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
