My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
