who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
