he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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