She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
