I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Randomize
