i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
