im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Send help, water and tortillas.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
