Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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