She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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