Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
