i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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