You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
Sponge bath it is.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
We need a shit load of segways right now
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Randomize
