i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
