nut hugger
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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