well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
