Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
