Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
