if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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