guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Randomize
