i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Randomize
